"*aside* If this is freaking me out now...I can't imagine what I'll be like at 40 and older...yuck. *back to the last train of thought*
HOLY COW!!! I'm not supposed to age...I'm young and vibrant. YAY! ha "
What Aunt Barbara Said:
NOTE FROM AGED AUNT: What is it like to be 40 and older? Absolutely freaking great! Its a cruel fallacy that vibrancy (or great sex, or flirting, or reasonable financial independance, or the wonderful sense of power that comes from using the kind of talent and intelligence that is only your own) is only for the young. Being forty and older means you've got lots of life experience that you can rely on; you REALLY have experienced the unexpected twists of fate and the silver lining in the dark cloud, and you know that if you're lucky (no illness, car crashes or tsunami's), you'll get to experience more of the same. For sure you already know love, and the death and rebirth of love, and again if you're lucky, they'll be more of that to come. When I look back at twenty: that was not so much hard as vaguely anxiety ridden. Most 40 and plus year olds laugh at the idea of being twenty. Having the body and energy of your twenty year old self maybe, but you'd never want to give up the experience of what that 40-year-plus knows in exchange!
So Margaret, don't fear aging, embrace it! You don't get older, you just get better!
love ya, Aunt Barbara
And then I said...
Thank you Aunt Barbara...you help to keep things in perspective. And I think you're right. I don't think the idea of aging scares me as much as actually reaching the next age. Because at this point in my life reaching that next number brings a whole new set of responsibilities. At some point I'll have to take supreme responsibility for myself. I'll have to be the one to have a job, pay the bills, and take care of my own basic needs, which have been taken care of by someone else.
I don't think I meant so much "yuck" as wonder and excitement. Looking at the past year, or even the past 2 years, I could never imagine that I would be where I am today, doing the things I am doing today. I'm wondering exactly what life/God has in store for me in the future. And that, I think, is the scary part.
Trusting that whatever happens, will happen. Que cera, cera!
And the next year could send me to Africa, or keep me under house arrest, or something else I couldn't even dream of.
So much can change in such a short amount of time that it's funny, weird, scary even, to think of what could happen in the next 20 years!
And now (December 2006)...
I say, yeah...ok so I'm getting older; sometimes that is a bit scary. But I think its because I never saw myself as 21, 22, or older. I always saw my aunts or uncles or teachers or older adults as being those ages, but not me. Didn't think it could happen. Sure enough, it happens, and has, I'm 21!
I must say, I already look back at myself a year ago, two years ago and wonder at where I've come from and how far I've gone.
I think Aunt Barbara was right, and I'm not just saying that because I talked to her briefly on the phone today and she mentioned this exchange with nostalgia. She also wondered why we weren't coming up for Christmas again this year, especially when Tina and I had such a fantastic time with her last year.
Ok, yeah...so Aunt Barbara was right. I totally see the fun in growing up. So far, so good. There's so much more I've got to do with my time over the next 20 years. So ready life, here I come!